By Ben Disney
They’re hard questions. I hear them often from people who are struggling with difficult jobs, painful relationships, and impossible circumstances. They come from people who are willing to fight the good fight but reach the point where they need to know whether it’s still worth the cost or if they’re still fighting for something or someone worthwhile. How long do I have to hang in there? Is there ever a time when it’s best to simply give up or walk away? Is there ever a moment when it’s best to simply let go and turn loose?
Like I've said, I don’t know all the answers. My tendency is to hang in there and encourage others to do the same as much as possible, mainly because we live in a world where people tend to bail out and walk out for reasons that have more to do with convenience than conscience. It’s also because I believe in a God who never seems to give up on any of us even when we’re the ones who turn our backs and walk away. It should never be easy or convenient to let go or walk away from anyone or anything.
But there are a few specific moments when it may be time to stop and ask the hard question. Years ago I came across an article written by Bill Ritter entitled, “Knowing When It’s Time to Leave.” I share it with you in the hopes that it might speak to you or someone you know who is struggling through a difficult journey.
It may (just may) be time to think about leaving...
1. When you are no longer doing yourself any good. When you are experiencing no good... feeling no good... and being led to believe that, at the very deepest level of your being, you probably are no good.
2. When you are no longer doing anybody else any good. When there is little evidence that anybody is better off as a result of your persevering in marriage ministry, or whatever. When no one who is counting on your "hanging in there" will be appreciably harmed if you don't.
3. When all that seems to be resulting from your efforts is more harm than good, when you find yourself speaking and acting in ways that are more indicative of your worst self than your best self. And when, in the act of persevering, you find yourself becoming more and more perverse.
4. When you are hurting the body... by being tense all the time... sick much of the time... abused some of the time... and self-destructive in the darkest of times.
5. When you are killing the soul, by the fact that more is consistently going out from you than is coming back to you. When you are underfed... undernourished... and withering (as they say) on the vine.
6. When you are the only one who seems to care, to the point of discovering that without a mutuality of effort, it is hard to accomplish anything alone.
7. When, having prayed to God, it seems that God is no longer giving you the strength to stand. As to when that point is, I don't really know. But I suppose it is the point when you find that you are no longer standing.
Some of you are there right now. They’re difficult questions and choices about jobs and careers, health issues, stressful situations, and complicated relationships. When to hold on and when to let go? Do I stay or is it time to walk away? Do I continue to hang in there or do I finally hang it up?
There are no easy answers, but here’s a clue. We search desperately for the right answer and sometimes even the right answer doesn’t feel right. I think deep down what we’re really longing for is peace. Peace that we have done what we could even in the most difficult circumstances. Peace that we’ve been faithful to God and to the values we hold sacred. Peace that we’ve chosen our battles well and in the end the peace that comes in knowing we fought the good fight no matter the outcome.
If a household is worthy, let your peace come upon it. But if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you. And whoever will not receive you or listen to your words, when you depart from that house or city, shake off the dust from your feet. Matthew 10:13-14
# # #
ArborlawnUMC.org